The Philosophy of Pong
"If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging..."
"I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top first."
"The only thing bullshit is really good for is growing flowers."
"If we could only capture that hot air to run our cars off of."
"Stupity often has it's own language."
"She's a fat ass just getting fatter..."
"Sometimes a change has to start with the one who wants it."
"When all is said and done, a heluva lot more is said than done."
"Politicians are not complete idiots - some parts are missing."
"A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time."
"A Liberal is just a conservative that was mugged by the I.R.S."
"A good slogan can stop analysis for fifty years."
"A good scapegoat is hard to find."
"All probabilities are really 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won't."
"Always hire a rich attorney. Poor is more than a concept..."
"Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes."
"Bureaucracy: a method for transforming energy into solid waste."
"Entropy has us outnumbered."
"Never kick a cow chip on a hot day."
More words to live by...
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
–William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
—Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one.”
–George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
“Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one.”
–Winston Churchill’s response to George Bernard Shaw
“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”
“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”
“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”
–Irvin S. Cobb
“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”
“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
“He had delusions of adequacy.”
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
“Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!”
–Lady Astor to Winston Churchill at a dinner party
“Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it!”
–Winston Churchill’s response to Lady Astor
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
—Jack E. Leonard
"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
—Thomas Brackett Reed
"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."
—James Reston (about Richard Nixon)
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
—Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any one I know."
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts — for support rather than illumination."
—Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
"You, Mr. Wilkes, will die either of the pox or on the gallows."
–The Earl of Sandwich
"That depends, my lord, whether I embrace your mistress or your principles."
–John Wilkes's response to The Earl of Sandwich
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."