Sent in From Clarence Dijong Pong (might not be his real name, but we don' care, shae'...
YOU MIGHT LIVE IN CALCASIEU PARISH IF...
* The crawdad mounds in your front yard have overtaken the grass.
* You greet people with "Howzyamomma'an'dem?" and hear back "Dey fine!"
* Every so often, you have waterfront property.
* When giving directions you use words like "uptown", "downtown", "backatown", "riverside", "lakeside", "other side of the bayou" or "other side of the levee.
* When you refer to a geographical location "way up North", you are referring to places like Shreveport, Little Rock or Memphis, "where it gets real cold"!
* Your burial plot is six feet over rather than six feet under.
* You've ever had Community Coffee.
* You can pronounce Tchoupitoulas but can't spell it. (also, Thibideaux, Opelousas, Ponchartrain, Ouachita, Atchafalaya,)
* You don't worry when you see ships riding higher in the river than the top of your house.
* You judge a po-boy by the number of napkins used.
* The waitress at your local sandwich shop tells you a fried oyster po-boy "dressed" is healthier than a Caesar salad.
* You know the definition of "dressed".
* You can eat Popeye's, Haydel's and Zapp's for lunch and wash it down with Barq's and several Abitas, without losing it all on your stoop.
* The four seasons in your year are: crawfish, shrimp, crab and King Cake.
* The smell of a crawfish boil turns you on more than HBO.
* You "wrench" your hands in the sink with an onion bar to get the crawfish smell off.
* You're not afraid when someone wants to "ax you something".
* You go by "ya-mom-en-`dems" on Good Friday for family supper.
* You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.
* You don't realize until high school what a "county" is.
* You push little old ladies out of the way to catch Mardi Gras beads.
* You believe that purple, green and gold look good together (and you will even eat things those colors)
* You go to buy a new winter coat (what most people refer to as windbreakers) and throw your arms up in the air to make sure it allows enough room to catch Mardi Gras beads.
* Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled.
* You know what a nutria rat is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team.
* You have spent a summer afternoon on the Lake Pontchartrain seawall catching blue crabs.
* You describe a color as "K&B Purple".
* You like your rice and politics dirty.
* When given the choice for Governor between a KKK leader and Edwin Edwards, it's a difficult decision.
* You worry about a deceased family member returning in spring floods.
* You pronounce the largest city in the state as "Nawlins".
* A friend gets in trouble for roaches in his car and you wonder if it was palmettos or those little ones that go after the French Fries that fell under the seat.
* You know those big roaches can fly, but you're able to sleep at night anyway.
* You prefer skiing on the bayou.
* You assume everyone has mosquito swarms in their backyard.
* You realize the rainforest is less humid than Louisiana.